


The Time of Year to be With the One You Love

by hope-for-olicity (Jacq)



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 06:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9060496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacq/pseuds/hope-for-olicity
Summary: This was my 2016 Secret Santa present for @stygian-omada-fan. It was written after Arrow 5x08, it is what could have happened in 5x09.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mare9548 (stygian_omada_fan)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Mare9548+%28stygian_omada_fan%29).



> Disclaimer: I did create nor do I own these characters that honour belongs to the creators of Arrow.

**The Time of Year to be With the One You Love**

Felicity stood on her balcony at the loft looking out at the glowing Christmas lights. At such a height she could see into some homes near by, families and friends happily sitting near Christmas trees. She smiled remembered Walter telling her how passionate Oliver was about Christmas the first year he returned from the island.

She had her own run in with Oliver that Christmas. If Felicity remembered correctly, that was the time he brought her the mysterious black arrow. She smiled remembering that she also told him that she didn’t think much of archery. Open mouth, insert foot - she could even say stupid things without even knowing apparently.

But Oliver didn’t say stupid things. In fact, he told her she was “remarkable” and then gave her that Oliver Queen smile. She became so flustered that she didn’t say thank you like a normal person but instead “thank you for remarking.” Who said thing like that?

So long ago, so much had changed since that night. She was looking forward to see Walter at tonight’s City Hall Holiday Party. She secretly loved when Thea told her the story about how all the invitations said Christmas Party and Oliver insisted they be reprinted on his own dime to say Holiday Party.

^^^

Oliver was seated at his desk in the Mayor’s office. It still surprised him sometimes that this is what his life had become. He had walked past people doing last minute prep for the City Hall Holiday Party on his way in.

He always loved holiday parties. His family had held any annual Christmas party at the Queen mansion up until he went missing. He smiled remembering how his father put a Christmas tree in every room. Robert Queen loved Christmas, his father had been on his mind a lot lately since the alien mind tricks had made him a part of his life again. Oh how he wished his father had been home when he returned from the island.

Thinking back to that first Christmas when he returned from the island, his family had not wanted to celebrate Christmas and he had pushed it on them. Remembering the Queen mansion full of Christmas decorations made him smile. Sadly, the party did not go as planned and he got called away on Green Arrow business - of course he was the Hood back then.

That was also his first Christmas knowing Felicity Smoak. Although, he wouldn’t admit it to himself back then, he would use any excuse to go see Felicity. She was like a little ray of sunshine in his world and he never knew quite what she was going to say. She fascinated him. In fact she still does.

Felicity was still working in the Queen Consolidated IT Department that Christmas, she was so pretty, sitting there completely unaware of his presence, even now he remembered this with a smile. She was so indignant that he had not knocked. It was cute.

While he had figured out the composition of the black arrow himself, he knew she could find out where to find this particular arrow faster.  He almost choked when examining the arrow she told him that she thought archery was a waste of time, shot to the heart in thought.  Of course Felicity had no idea because this was still during the time when was telling her amazing, not amazing, cover stories. They both knew she wasn’t buying them but he really did not want to get her involved in his world. He just could not resist coming back to see her.

He should have known then that this remarkable woman would become the love of his life. Thinking of Felicity, he could not help but be glad that he would see her tonight. Sadly, she would be on the arm of another. But if Billy Malone made her happy, that is what he wanted.

However, if he was being honest with himself, he did not think Billy Malone was making her happy. Something was wrong with Felicity and he wished he could help but he really did not think it was his place anymore.

His phone buzzed reminding him it was time to get ready for the Holiday Party. There could not be a City Hall Christmas Party without the Mayor, now could there?

^^^

As Felicity walked into the party on Billy’s arm she could not help but feel a little nervous. This was Oliver’s party and she was with her new man, person, the guy she was seeing. Oliver said he was okay with this but it still felt wrong.

She was relieved and a little anxious when she saw Walter near the bar. She had missed him and now that she and Oliver were no more she saw even less of him.

“Walter, Merry Christmas!”

“Felicity Smoak, so nice to see you again. I trust all is well.”

This was a difficult question to answer as the short answer was no. But you couldn’t tell people no, everything is not well, I was fired from my own company and then killed 50,000 people. Somehow she knew this would not go over well at parties.

So she gave Walter a big smile and said “Yes, exciting times for me. A lot of irons in the fire, still sorting out what I”d like to do in the New Year. Nice to have options.”

“I had no doubt you would land on your feet. You have always been resourceful. If you need any help from me, please let me know. I’m hoping one of those irons in the fire is your own company. I’ve always thought Smoak Technologies has a nice ring to it.”

“Thanks so much for your support Walter. I will have to think but you are right Smoak Technologies does sound good.”

“Felicity, Walter so nice to see you,” Thea said joining them looking lovely in short gold cocktail dress.

“Thea, you look lovely so nice to see you and might I say how impressed I am with your work here at City Hall. I think you really found your stride. Your mother would be proud”

“Wow Walter! Way to make a girl feel special. Thank you so much!” Thea went to hug Walter as Felicity watched. She knew how much Walter meant to Thea and it was so nice to see them together again.

Just as she was about to say something to Thea she heard Oliver voice saying “Can I have your attention please.”

^^^

Oliver saw Felicity walk in on Billy’s arm, deep breathe he told himself. She looked beautiful in her emerald green gown, that hugged all the right place. Stop checking her out, he thought to himself.

As he let out the deep breath he heard “I saw that.”

He turned to see Thea standing behind him. Maybe she would ignore what she saw if he changed the topic.

“Don’t you look lovely. Gold really suits you Thea”

“Why thanks Ollie, you clean up nice yourself. Now back to the subject at hand, the lovely lady in the green dress. When are you going to apologize and grovel? You and I both know you are better together. I’m shipping Olicity all the way.”

“Thea, it’s complicated and,” he nodded toward Malone, “she’s happy and has moved on.”

“She’s happy? I mean I know you aren’t always the smartest man in the room,” Oliver gave her annoyed look.

“But you can’t be the only who doesn’t notice she is miserable.”

“What are you talking about? I know things aren’t perfect; she’s still dealing with Havenrock. But she’s not miserable Thea. Look at her over there - she’s smiling.”

“For a man who wears a mask half the time, you aren’t very good at recognizing one.”

Oliver was shocked. When he looked down at Felicity he could finally see what he’d suspected all along. He just hadn’t been allowing himself to look at her. He had felt focusing on her was wrong, she had made herself clear a couple of months ago that they were over. So to respect her wishes and protect his heart he had kept her at arm’s length and missed that the most important person in his life was barely keeping it together.

“Earth to Ollie. While your sorting through all your self-blame, we both know you are doing it,” Thea smirked at him. “I’m going to go down and give Felicity a break. She’s talking to Walter and I doubt that is a comfortable conversation given that she is unemployed and spends her nights with the Green Arrow.”

Before Oliver could say anything, Thea had walked away, headed toward Felicity. He could see Felicity physically relax as Thea interrupted the conversation. He thought he may have seen a genuine smile in there as well.

Oliver decided it was time for the Mayor’s Holiday Toast. He stepped up to the podium to address his guests.

_Can I have your attention please._

_Thank you. I promise I’ll only take up a moment of your time._

_I just wanted to say wish everyone here Happy Holidays! I know many people put in a lot of hard work to make tonight happen so first I think we should give them a round of applause._

Oliver paused as people clapped. He scanned the room for Felicity. He could see she was standing alone, watching him speak. He made eye contact.

_The Holidays are the time of year you spend with ones you love. I was thinking just today about the last Christmas party I threw at the Queen Mansion when I first returned to what was Starling City. I was so happy to spend Christmas with my family after so many years away._

_But times change as we all know, sometimes we can’t spend the holidays with the ones we love. Things happen, maybe we cause them ourselves, that lead to estrangements. Or maybe we impose them on ourselves because we feel unworthy.  But the holidays are the time to put all that aside._

_I would like to take this moment to acknowledge those that I love that are here tonight, my lovely sister and Chief of Staff Thea Queen and the woman who will always hold my heart Felicity Smoak._

_So I encourage to reach out if you can - let those you love know that you love them. Tis the season for love and forgiveness._

_Please go and be the ones you love!_

Oliver took in the rest of the room at this point to see how they took his speech. Felicity’s face had remained encouraging but stoic - mask in place so it was hard to tell what she thought.  He looked back to find her again but she was gone. Off with Malone he guessed.

“Well, Mr. Mayor that was some speech.” He turned to see Thea.

“Yes, I ad-libbed a bit from what you had written.” he shrugged.

“A bit.” she chuckled.

“I think Felicity heard every word, how could she not when you were looking right at her? Obvious much?”

“Sorry, I just felt like I had to do something. I didn’t want her to have to wear a mask with me. I need her to know that I still love her and would be there for her.”

“Do you know where she is now?”

“No, I haven’t seen her. But shall I send her your way if I do?”

“I’ll find her myself”

Luckily Oliver had done all the political hobnobbing and glad-handing earlier so he was free to roam the party in search of Felicity.

He had just turned the corner that led to the washrooms when he saw Malone. Oliver knew he should feel bad professing his love to the other man’s girlfriend but he just couldn’t. Obviously, Malone wasn’t providing Felicity the support she needed, the support Oliver could. He did not want to make decisions for Felicity but he wanted to let her know that she had options.

“If you are looking for Felicity she went home.” Malone said. “Your little speech, upset her, and made her realize what I already suspected. She’s not over you. She called it quits with me.”

“Malone I don’t know what to say.”

“Please don’t say you are sorry, because I know you won’t mean it.”

“That’s true. But I want to thank you for being there for Felicity. I know things may be over now but she spoke very highly of you.”

With that Oliver turned away and left his own party.

^^^

Felicity got back to the loft and kicked off her shoes at the door. Her feet were killing her. She was going to put on some comfy clothes and put on an episode of Blindspot. She just needed to not think about her life for a moment.

As she walked up the stairs, she couldn’t help but remember last Christmas and how are life had changed forever. First with the most beautiful proposal she could ever wish followed quickly by the most horrific attack. She was really glad she could walk up these stairs again. Felicity was glad to remind herself to be grateful. It was hard being sad all the time, even if that was her default feeling.

As she slipped one Oliver’s old t-shirts over her head, long ago claimed by her - so not really Oliver’s she told herself. She allowed herself to think of his words tonight. At first she was shocked. After months of nothing. Nothing to the point, that she thought he lost interest, he gave this speech. She had to admit her heart soared for a moment.  He still loved her. He said and she heard it.

But after Havenrock, she didn’t really deserve that love anymore. Didn’t he know? He deserves someone who is whole, not default sad. But maybe he doesn’t know. Maybe he’s been buying her act this whole time. She knew when Oliver mentioned unworthy of love in his speech, he was referring to himself, he had no idea of how unworthy she felt.

She took a seat down on their bed, her bed now and started to cry. How could he do this? Make her want him again? As though she had stopped? Dangle the possibility of them together when she knew she no longer deserved his love. She lay on his side of the bed, where she always chose to sleep but still considered his side and let herself cry.

^^^

Oliver decided to walk to the loft, clear his head and prepare what he wanted to say to Felicity. She probably wasn’t happy with him. It’s not like she rushed up to find him. She left. That could not be a good sign.

But with all Thea had pointed out concerning Felicity’s mask, he was really worried he had missed other signs. He was so busy protecting himself, not looking at her. He missed the most important thing. She needed him. That was it, period. And he was going to be there for her from now on; in whatever way she would let him.

He just hoped that she would let him. He was a little hurt that she had not spoken to him but at the same time he understood. He was almost to their loft, when he noticed the convenience store they used to frequent during happier times. Oliver decided to stop in and pick up some of Felicity’s favourites. Best not to show up empty handed when seeking forgiveness.

He still had his keys so he let himself into the building. When he got to the loft door he could see the lights were on through the glass door. Good, she wasn’t asleep.

He knocked on the door. Waited. Knocked again….no sound from inside the loft. Should he just give up and go home, eat the mint chocolate chip himself? No, she had been alone with her pain too long, this was stopped now.

Just as he raised his hand to knock harder, and the door and there Felicity stood rumpled, in his shirt, pushing up her glasses, which did nothing to disguise her red eyes.

“Felicity. I’m so sorry.”

“You are sorry,” she said without any inflection.

Oliver had no idea where he stood here. So he decided he better just stick with the truth. “Yes, I am sorry if what I said tonight made you uncomfortable. I am sorry for not telling you about William all those months ago and I am very sorry to have left you alone with your pain. I need you to know I am here now and want to be here for you in any way that works for you. I love you Felicity. I understand if you don’t love me but I will always love you.”

Felicity stood there looking at him, “Come in.”

^^^

She should have known he would show up. Part of her hoped he would, but now that he was here she wasn’t sure she wanted to answer to the door. She knew he would be her kind, wonderful Oliver. And it was becoming harder and harder not to just lean on him.  But she didn’t deserve his kindness. She was responsible for 50,000 deaths.

He knocked again. He wasn’t leaving. She was going to have to face him. Deep breathe.

She opened the door and there he stood looking better than ever in his suit, with his suspenders - Felicity always loved Oliver in suspenders. She was so distracted by all his hotness she almost missed it when he said he was sorry.

He was sorry…for what? What did he have to be sorry for? No one should be apologizing to her. She needed to apologize to the world. So without thinking she asked what he was sorry for.

As he spoke, she let a bit of his warmth inside. Just a little she couldn’t help it. He said he loved her. Even if she was undeserving, it was rather amazing that Oliver Queen still loved her. And he thought she didn’t love him - as if that were possible.

So she did the only thing she could in that moment, she invited him in.

^^^

“Felicity, why don’t you sit down. I’ll make us some tea.”

“Okay.”

Felicity still hadn’t said much. She clearly was not okay and he knew this couldn’t just be about the speech at City Hall.

He stayed in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil, put the mint chip ice cream in her very empty freezer and watched Felicity curl up on the couch she wrapped the green throw around herself. She looked so sad, so despondent. How could he have missed this? Well, he wasn’t missing this now.

Oliver walked over to the living room, carrying to cups of tea. He set them down on the coffee table and took a seat next to Felicity on the couch. He couldn’t help but notice that she moved back, just a little.

“Felicity. We need to talk.”

“I broke up with Malone. It wasn’t real”

A couple of weeks ago those words would have made his heart soar but now he knew it was never real, just another part of Felicity’s I’m normal mask.

“He told me. Felicity I want you to know, that I know that you are not okay,” Felicity began to turn away from him. “Hey, it’s okay that you are not okay. Do you hear me? You can be not okay with me.”

“Oliver.” Felicity’s eyes welled with tears again.

Oliver went to take her in his arms. After months of avoiding touching in this moment, Felicity’s comfort took precedence over self-preservation. For a moment it looked like she was going to allow it but instead she jumped up from the couch.

“No. You know what I did. I killed 50,000 people Oliver, 50,000 people! I don’t deserve your hugs, comfort or love.” the tears were streaming down her face.

“Well, I’ve never been exactly in your shoes Felicity and thank goodness I wouldn’t be able to walk,” he smirked “But I have done so many horrible things and you more than anyone else in this world know what I am capable of. I’ve killed, been responsible for the death of innocence people and have hurt those nearest to me and to my constant amazement that never stopped you from loving me. I will never feel truly worthy of your love, if I could still have it, I would take it and hold onto tight with both hands.”

Felicity’s face had remained unchanged as he spoke. She just stood there looking at him. She stayed silent for minute, almost like she was processing what he said. “I will always love you Oliver Queen. But I don’t think you can help me. I’m broken. I don’t sleep, I barely eat and it takes all my effort just to get out of day and pretend to be normal.”

“It’s time to stop pretending Felicity. At least with me.”

“I can’t stop pretending! If I stop, I don’t know what will happen.”

“You can stop right now. I am here Felicity. Stop right now, come here.” He gestured for her to sit in his lap.

^^^

Could she do it? It would be so much easier to just let Oliver hold her. She knew how his touch always had a comforting effect on her. But she didn’t deserve this compassion. As she continued to be at war with the two sides of her brain, Oliver tugged on her hand.

And it was as though the universe made the decision for her. She collapsed into Oliver’s waiting arms. She snuggled into him and she started to cry as Oliver rubbed her back.

“That’s it. Let it out. No more mask with me Felicity. I am here for you. We will get through this.”

Felicity shook her head against his chest to say no. She really couldn’t speak through the sobs.

“Yes, you will Felicity. Because as a very smart person once told me. I know this because you are not alone and I believe in you.”

With that Felicity cried harder and Oliver hugged her tighter.

^^^

That night was a breakthrough for them and the first step in a very long road of Felicity coming to terms that she was not responsible for the Havenrock - it was Damien Darhk and Damien Darhk alone, who was responsible.

But she did get better, she was forever changed but with the help of Oliver and a therapist Lyla was able to suggest she was getting better.

She and Oliver had remained friends through it all. Felicity wasn’t ready for a relationship and for a long time still believed she didn’t deserve Oliver.

But now that she felt better she thought it might be time to move things to another level with Oliver. Oliver who had been patiently waiting for any sign, he thought, she didn’t notice. But of course she did.

She was sitting at her computers in the lair when she heard the ding of the elevator. She turned to look at Oliver and could not hide her love for him.

He walked over to her. Never breaking eye contact. Felicity stood, even in heels she was so much shorter than him. They were never nose to nose.

“Oliver.” she didn’t get a chance to finish what she was going to say and Oliver was kissing her.

All of a sudden he pulled back “This is okay right? You are ready for this now?” he looked like a scared puppy dog.

“Yes, Oliver this is okay. More than okay. I love you and think it’s time we show each other how much.”

Oliver eyes widened and darkened at “show.” He grabbed Felicity’s hand and led her down to the area that was serving as his bedroom.

As Felicity walked away with Oliver she remembered what it meant to be loved by Oliver Queen.

^^^

The following year when Oliver gave his speech at the City Hall Holiday Party, the love of his life, Felicity was by his side.


End file.
